Sunday, March 26th, 2006
Inevitably in life, we will face disapproval or rejection from others. It might be a family member, friend, employer, or even a stranger. They might disagree with the way we live our lives, the decisions we make for ourselves, or even who we are. They might belittle our dreams, criticize our goals, or make hurtful comments that reveal a low opinion of us. These experiences can be quite painful, because we all want to be liked and accepted. We all want to be supported and nurtured and loved by those around us.
Being rejected or ridiculed by others (especially if it’s a frequent occurrence) can cause us to question our own self-worth and value as a person. We begin to wonder if maybe they’re right. Maybe we’re not lovable enough, or talented enough, or “good” enough to be accepted. Following this line of thought for any length of time can be incredibly damaging to our self-confidence.
While it’s normal to have a few moments of uncertainty when we are rejected, the worst thing we can do is internalize the negativity we recieve from others. Just because someone has a low opinion of us does not mean we have to accept it as our truth. They can only come to their conclusions by looking at us from the outside. They don’t feel our feelings, think our thoughts, or experience the things we have in our lives. They are seeing us from a completely different perspective than our own.
To complicate matters even further, their own life experiences, thoughts, and feelings can easily be projected onto us, so they may see something that doesn’t truly exist, except in their own mind.
So, how do we overcome this? How do we avoid letting other people’s negativity erode our belief in ourselves? There are three major points to keep in mind:
1) Reinforcement = Strength. Think of positive thoughts as the antidote to any negativity that comes your way. Feed your mind empowering, positive thoughts daily, preferably several times a day - and most especially after you encounter negativity from another. The stronger you can build up your belief in yourself, the less you will care about others who insult you, ridicule you, or reject you. You won’t be looking to others for your sense of validation or approval, because you will already have your OWN approval.
2) Conserve Your Energy. While it might be tempting to try to explain, defend, or prove yourself to someone who rejects you, this is usually a waste of your time and energy. Once someone forms an opinion of you, they are unlikely to change it. The more you try to change their minds, the more stubbornly they will dig their heels in and resist. So, simply release your need to prove yourself and accept that they are entitled to their opinions. Their comments and opinions cannot detract from your belief in yourself, unless you allow them to.
3) Limit Your Exposure. Once a person reveals their negative opinion or directs hurtful comments your way, you might want to avoid spending excessive time with them in the future. This becomes more difficult if it is a family member that you can’t just shut out of your life completely. But you can still set boundaries and limit the amount of time you are faced with negativity.
Finally, remember that no one else can define you, or live your life for you, or take away the beauty and uniqueness that is you. They may try, but they won’t be successful unless you allow it.
If you instead choose to turn away from the negativity and focus on building a solid foundation of belief in yourself, the negative comments will cease to matter to you. You will go on to create a fulfilling, successful life that reflects exactly who you are, regardless of what others say or do.
Wendy
CreationThoughts.com
WingsfortheHeart.com
VisualizeProsperityBook.com
Posted in Positive Thinking, Self-Love | No Comments »
Monday, March 13th, 2006
Have you ever had someone shoot down your dreams? I was talking to a friend last week and she was upset that her husband (and most of her family members, come to think of it) belittle her dreams and scoff when she tries to share them. How heartbreaking! And I’m sure she’s not the only one who has experienced it. I’ve been there, and perhaps you have too.
You know, I really think that our loved ones (in most cases) do this from a place of love. Perhaps they are trying to protect us from disappointment so we don’t get our hopes up too high. Or maybe they stopped believing in their own dreams long ago, so they don’t have the capacity to believe in the dreams of others either.
One of the most powerful things we can do for ourselves is make a conscious effort to nurture our goals and dreams. After all, isn’t nurturing care what makes everything grow? Think of the nurturing energy you provide to your children, your pets, your spouse, and even your own personal development. Without nurturing care, living things will die.
Our dreams and goals are certainly living things, breathed into being by our own thoughts. It is vital to nurture them and encourage them to grow and thrive, or else they will surely perish. Though this may sound like common sense advice, it’s amazing how many of us don’t do this.
Following are the six ways to keep your dreams alive, and even better - make them thrive!
Provide a Fertile Foundation - If you begin planting your dreams in a heart and mind that is polluted with negativity or scattered with doubts, they will not be able to thrive properly. Before beginning the planting process, sweep away all unnecessary debris that could stunt the growth of your dreams. If it’s too late and you’ve already planted the ideas, you can simply uproot them momentarily and begin again with fresh soil.
Feed Them - The most important sustenance you can feed to your dreams is love. Treat your dreams like your most precious creations. Hold them close to your heart and continue to breathe loving life into them. Hold them in a place of prominence in your mind and continue to believe in them. Dreams and goals must be fed with positive thoughts at least daily, preferably several times a day. Give them nourishing snacks of happy encouragement and watch them grow fat and happy.
Water Them - Water is the bearer of emotion and feeling. Lend as much emotional feeling to your dreams as you can, because emotion is what gives your dreams energy and animation. Visualize the outcome of your dreams and goals, and infuse this vision with emotion. Feel the joy and satisfaction of realizing your dreams. Embrace them and shed happy tears for their beauty. Feel your heart lift with awe and thanksgiving, and allow those feelings to infuse your dreams with the power to become real.
Give Them Light - Let the light shine upon your dreams, in the form of inspiration and optimism. Jealously guard your dreams from negativity like a mother bear guards her cubs from danger. If others put your dreams down, the absolute worst thing you could do is to agree with them. Honor your dreams no matter what, no matter how stupid or worthless others may think they are. What others think does not matter, only your own opinion counts. Holding your dreams in high regard will always keep a positive light shining upon them.
Prune Them - Our dreams and goals will often change over time, just as we do. The older and wiser we get, we might realize that the dreams of our youth might not suit us as we are today. Periodically, take some time to re-evaluate your dreams and goals. Take a closer look at them and decide if any aspects might be pruned away or revised slightly. Goal-setting is rarely a one-time activity. Rather, we need to consistently evaluate our progress, and adjust our actions accordingly.
Give Them Room to Grow - Part of the pruning process described above is what will create more room for your dreams to grow bigger and better. But you can also take a look at whether your original dreams were self-limiting in any way. Perhaps you held back out of fear or hesitation, and now you feel you are capable of more. Remove all doubts and uncertainties and make as much room for your dreams as you can. Once they begin to grow and take shape, they will expand and fill the space you provided for them. At that point, you might need to readjust everything again and make even more room. One can hope, right? 
Wendy
CreationThoughts.com
WingsfortheHeart.com
VisualizeProsperityBook.com
Posted in Goals & Dreams | No Comments »
