The Courage to be Yourself
Tuesday, May 16th, 2006One of my favorite television characters ever was Phoebe Buffay from Friends (played by Lisa Kudrow). She was quirky, feisty, and sometimes downright weird. 
But she was never afraid to be herself, even though her friends were obviously very different in personality.
How many of us have the courage to do this? I think many of us tend to try to blend in with our friends, rather than stand out. In fact, society in general makes it clear that certain traits are considered acceptable, while others aren’t. If we dare to break from the “norm” and express a unique part of our personality, we get the raised eyebrow — or worse.
But aren’t we cheating others and ourselves by doing that? I happen to believe that each of us is here on this earth for a specific purpose. We have each been given special gifts and traits that no one else has, and we are supposed to be using them in our daily experiences. If we hide these parts of ourselves, we are denying their existence, which is the same thing as refusing a gift.
Even worse, if we are not genuinely ourselves, we end up attracting the wrong people into our lives. While living an illusion, we attract people who buy into our illusion, not us. No valuable connections can be made. We also end up attracting others who are living an illusion, and we end up being two empty illusions trying to create something meaningful. It won’t work.
More than 15 years ago, I decided to stop living an illusion and make an effort to be myself as often as possible. The result was painful in some ways. People that I thought were my friends ended being anything but. In fact, most of the people I associated with at that time abandoned me. Some ties I cut myself. Yes, it hurt. But at the same time, I realized that the “purging” was necessary in order to make room for more genuine relationships. I enjoyed a few years of solitude which I devoted mostly to personal development. I knew I needed to get to know myself fully before anyone else could.
And it paid off in so many ways. I have true friends now. Friends that know my quirks, and love me despite them. Even some friends that are kind of quirky themselves. Interestingly, I have LESS friends now than I did years ago. But they are better friends than the old ones were. I’ve chosen quality over quantity this time around. My friends really “get” me most of the time, and I’m okay with it when they don’t.
I learned something important from this experience. We don’t all have to be the same. In fact, it’s better if we’re NOT. What a boring world it would be if we were identical in our personalities, likes, dislikes, beliefs, and convictions. While it’s usually good to have similarities so we have something in common, we can also learn to celebrate that which makes us different. Different is good. Different is interesting. Different is meaningful.
Thanks Phoebe, for the reminder.
Wendy
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